Malone’s tries to spread the love

The sweet irony of it. Relationships produce children yet trying to actually have a relationship when you have children is something else altogether! It requires effort to find balance, making sure that everyone gets enough attention, especially new boyfriends. This is the ‘single’ mum’s conundrum. In order to run to the bedroom and snog my new boyfriend, I have to plonk my three year old in front of Shauny The Sheep in the lounge. Bad mummy or smart girlfriend? I should probably feel more guilty but, hey, Mummy deserves some downtime, doesn’t she? It’s a modern problem: in the majority of the last century, mothers were, of course, mostly married to their child’s father. They’d been together long enough that catching time to snog certainly wasn’t an issue. In fact, once kids come along, it’s grabbing some sleep or time to go to the bog with the Sunday supplements that parents crave.

New relationships and dating do not go with parenting! I’m pretty sure it’s not the way nature intended! I can’t help but think that nature designed the sparkly bit of the new relationship to have worn off for a reason (remember when you wanted to snog each other’s faces off the whole time?) so that by the time you have kids, you can both give your attention to the children and love-bonding grows through that, rather than vodka and breathy goodbye kisses on the doorstep.

“New relationships and dating do not go with parenting!”

As a single mum, I am constantly trying to juggle my needs and my child’s needs. I tell myself I am allowed to be loved again, that I deserve to be loved too (even though her father stopped loving me), but the mother’s guilt kicks in. Now I’m being loved, is she being loved as much? Of course this is silly, as now she is actually being loved more! She not only has my boyfriend adoring her, but I am a better, more loving and patient mum. I believe having a long-term partner in our life is beneficial to us both, not just me. It’s important to me that my daughter grows up with a male role model around. It’s important she sees Mummy interacting with another person, sees Mummy laugh, discuss stuff in adult ways (I think these are referred to as conversations), and sometimes even see Mummy verbally battle with someone else, apart from her.

I grew up learning from my parents’ relationship; it taught me about human interaction. When it’s just me and her, I worry that she will think she is the only person that upsets me, the only person that makes me happy, the only person that makes mess… I tell myself this, reassure myself that my boyfriend isn’t just for my benefit… Then I consider how long I’ve been holding my boyfriend’s hand for? Should I now hold hers? Is everyone getting enough attention?

And how many hours ‘til her bedtime so I can snog my boyfriend now?