Malone there’s no harm in wearing odd socks

I was going out with an amazing 25 year old. People said it wouldn’t last. And a couple of months later it’s all changed. Now I have a 26-year-old boyfriend. That’s space-time continuum for you. And birthdays. It doesn’t actually matter how old he is, but it seems to matter to everyone else. Are people smirking? I wonder if I detect a certain look in people’s eyes which says: “This won’t last”.

On paper I guess it does sound ridiculous, a 20-something with a 37-year-old single mother of a small child. Do people think I’m having some sort of mid-life crisis? One friend even said: “You know this is just the beginning stage?” As if I am stupid. As if I have never been in a relationship before.

“You can never know what a couple has. It’s impossible to judge, but very easy to”

It feels like not everyone is happy for us, which is upsetting when one is so happy. Most people have been hurt in love, and I wonder if it’s hard for everyone to truly believe in real love even though they want to. You can never know what a couple has, only they know what they feel between them. It’s impossible to judge, but very easy to. It’s normal to want to protect loved ones from making mistakes you’ve made yourself, giving advice, hoping that they will take heed, but life isn’t like that, is it? We have to live life to learn. In parenting, this is the hardest part, watching our children make what we consider mistakes. Currently for me, it’s just watching the toddler putting on ‘odd’ socks “No! I like them like this. They perfwect”. Then I, the parent, learn something. It works! The red matches her shirt and the blue her jeans. It shouldn’t work, but crazily it does. It suits her needs. Conventions don’t always suit everyone’s needs.

I guess people’s intentions are good, they’re just worried we may get hurt. His family have been understandably concerned. I guess an older woman with a child is not what every parent hopes their son will fall in love with. This thought makes me feel sad, like I’m some sort of tainted woman. After my child’s father left me when I was seven months pregnant, it was always my fear that no one would want me, that I’d been marked. How old fashioned am I in 2010! 37… I’m more like 87! It’s taken me years to realise that this is an outdated view, that if someone really loves you, they just love you, no matter what.

What we have is not a love affair built on lust, but on a foundation of appreciation, understanding and honesty. The age gap works in our favour; we share our feelings effortlessly. It’s like having a best friend you really fancy, er, without that being weird. And when he’s 49 and I’m 60 pottering about putting on some odd socks, a best friend will be just what’s needed.