I hate LOL

I am a hive of activity. I run a toddler disc 3 times a month, I write this column every week. I Dj regularly. I do at least one stand up comedy gig a month. And I am even learning how to blow my own trumpet! You know what? I am going to pat myself on the bloody back. I actually did that too, wanted to see what it felt like…. Hmm rubbish. Not as good as your dad saying, “well done girl.” I miss that praise! I’ve got to do it myself now haven’t I? Remind myself that whilst I haven’t got a 40 year marriage in the making, I have achieved a hell of a lot of creativity in the past few years, including a small person which miracoulsy, I am managing to keep fed, watered and giggling. Which is amazing because a lot of the time I don’t even manage to keep myself watered and giggling!  Always fed though. I’m not mental. I like my food. I have dusted off the well meant good idea that is the slow cooker! Oh yes. It is slow and it does cook. Slowly. I have dug it out and plug it in about 930am throwing onion, tomatoes and mixed beans and some potatoes.  Then I just bugger off all day and when I come home I feel like I’ve got a husband who’s made me dinner for me when I get in. Bless him. He is bloody slow though and never does the washing up. (If this were a text, I’d put a smiley face in at this point. Maybe one of those half winking blighters.) And you’d text back LOL and instead of replying I’d just come round your house and smash your face in. I hate LOL. Ugh. Laughing out Loud, just write “hahaa I just laughed out loud!” If you’re really bloody laughing out loud. If something or somebody is funny enough to make you laugh out loud, then blummin make the effort to tell them in long hand. They deserve at least that. Laughing out loud is a precious commodity. One that should be savored, appreciated and worshipped like a god. Not abbriveated to 3 f**king letters. I once asked a bloke I was ‘seeing’ (y’know not actually had any conversations about where the relationship was heading sort of stage) I think it was about 3 weeks in… The marriage proposal was defiantly about a week away… Anyway he wrote LOL in a msn conversation and unsure if it meant laugh out loud or lots of love, I wrote “does that mean lots of love?” and he replied quite matter of factly, “Laugh out loud”. Um we ended things soon after. Even though I apparently made him laugh out loud I could not get him to send ‘lots of love’. Anyway where was I….the slow cooker takes 9 hours to cook carrots, but like anything slow its usually worth waiting for.  So I will pretend my dad is still here and say things he would have said, like “Well a good man is like a good stew, tender, tasty, a real mix of things and always worth the wait.”