6 weeks old

Exhausted. Have just cleaned house top to bottom. EX is coming round to see baby. I know why bother? Well he’s such a clean freak (a Virgo) and I know he will be silently grading my coping abilities on the state of my kitchen floor and hob… I did the socially acceptable clean – i.e. kitchen towel with grease remover wiped round quickly without my specs on… it looks clean… I’ll have to get my act together by the time she’s a toddler and touching things… well they say if you never around germs your immune system can’t react when it does meet them, she should be fine then… Cleaning looking through his eyes makes for a thourouh clean, mirrors even got wiped, and crumbs on toaster swept away

Ooh the baby just farted and made me jump forgot she was there for a min! She’s been asleep for nearly 2 hours…. Its 11130am she’s sitting in one of those bouncer type chairs and was on vibrate for an hour; she loves it.. sleeping with the fairies. Gave me time to bath, get dressed, make up, clean whole house and now write this article amazing!

Anyway here’s me cleaning house, and making up face, making appearances look good when I haven’t even thought about how I will deal with EX , what do I want? How do I want the access thing to work? I said to him a few weeks ago, “how about seeing your daughter twice a month and calling once a week”. I thought that was reasonable… He agreed with seeing her bi-monthly but wants to call everyday!! EVERYDAY! He calls everyday…. Its not like she can come to the phone and say hi Dad she’s 6 weeks old, what does he want? I don’t understand. How am I supposed to move on and let him go if he calls every day? Its like he doesn’t want me to, I don’t suppose he does, the idea of someone else being her everyday dad upsets him but god man you don’t want to be with me so let me go and have a life! You left me pregnant after saying you were going to spend your life with me, you’ve made me get on with this new life so let me do it!
Everyday he calls and i describe her poos, her sleep times and her skin condition etc, (she has a rash)

Friends say don’t answer his calls, easier said than done, even when I miss his calls because I am bathing baby or having a piss or something he says “I find it very irritating when you don’t answer my calls” Well mate I find it very irritating that I’m bringing a child up on my own when I thought we were doing it together, oh sorry we are doing it together except you turn up every 2 weeks, harass me every day, and otherwise get your cake and eat it. Grrr.