316 - Mama Malone finds out feeding your baby humous can take you to hospital…
Do you ever think someone might fancy you, they flirt with you, smile then say (whilst looking deep into your eyes) “So where’s your mate? I quite fancy your mate”. That happens to me all the time, so annoying. Right got your attention now lets talk about babies and hummous. Yes hummous. It looks so innocent doesn’t it, creamy chickpea protein heaven, all innocent and smooth lying in its petite compact container. Well it’s not. It’s an evil dangerous concoction of devil food, ie sesame seeds. I think the baby is allergic to them. Yesterday I fed her hummus after midwife advice “at 7 months you can give her anything, except honey, don’t give that till she’s a year old”…. Okayee… I need to feed her some veggie style protein, I mean don’t get me wrong I like a steak, but theres something wrong about getting some chicken, putting it in a blender and feeding the smelly mush to your baby. I wouldn’t eat it, why should she? Mind you I wouldn’t sit in my own faeces wearing a nappy or cry to be picked up. Ahum.. actually I do that one. (The crying to be picked up um not sitting in my own faeces) Anyhooo in an attempt to get some protein in her to make her sleep longer, I give her hummus, she loved it! I was glad she was finally eating happily. Whilst changing her clothes (pureed food gets everywhere) I notice she’s itching her neck, thinking it’s just from bits of porridge stuck in her neck folds,(beautiful) I suddenly reel with horror as I look at her face, it’s quickly swelling up, her right eye is bulging and her face is covered in welts, and her hands are dark purple! I actually panic. I never panic. I am always good in a crisis. Not so now, I panic running from room to room holding her naked rashy body telling myself to be calm. I ring the neighbours and they brilliantly turn up on a bike in minutes! I ring an ambulance and a rapid response team arrive really quick, they give the baby an oxygen mask to breathe. She’s teething, so she of course just chews on it, inhaling only a small amount of the oxygen. Your legally required to use a cars seat with babies, but the rapid response team don’t have one and neither do I, (I don’t have a car jesus where would I park round here?) I have to hold the baby, which is even more stress, I now have to worry about them driving safely! (I did have a car seat but it was a lend and had to give it back recently). I figure if we do have a crash, being already with 2 ambulance crew, is probably the best I situation I can hope for. Casualty administered anti histamine told me to get to an allergy clinic soon, as we don’t want it to progress to anaphylactic shock, we need to find out what it is. I think its sesame seed but we’ll have to see. In the mean time I will have to go very careful with this weaning malarkey as there are clearly hidden dangers lurking and an afternoon spent in casualty is not my idea of fun…
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
314 - Malone runs away from her date with the runs, this time its her not the baby with the milk vomit….
After a teary afternoon, sporting a cold red snotty face, a gorgeous Asian Prince stopped me in the street, whilst I was stomping home with the pram. “Can you spare 30 secs of your time out of your life?” Well, with those eyes mister I think why not, it can’t hurt, after all I have no intention to sign up to the charity . “We only’ need £2 a week”, I tell him I can’t afford that, I’m a single mum! He looks shocked, “ What! Is your ex crazy?” Nice line. We chat, he tell’s me his mum is a single mum, his dad left when he was young, wanting nothing to do with him. Eventually he says, “I’d really like to take you for a drink after I finish”. I don’t know what to say, so I start to say no, but he is very persistent. Thing is I’ve got to feed the baby her banana, porridge mush soon, I call my friend, she reminds me you only live once, after all its just a drink! So I go. I feed the baby in the café, and when he asks what I want to drink, I think sod it, I’ll have a huge marshmallow hot chocolate, after all you only live once! His mum is a childminder so he knows about babies, even taking over feeding the baby. Makes me feel like wow there are guys who don’t mind if you have a kid. God I am so old fashioned! Maybe it’s me, who is judging me, and no one else! Anyhoo he says, “You’re really into your music aren’t you, I prefer reading books” He gets out “STALIN” talking about Russian politics. I’m genuinely interested, but part of me can’t help but wonder if this is just his chat up line, y’know pretending to be cultured,
Suddenly I feel sick, I want to vomit on him. I feel faint, I need to go. I think have the runs. I can’t tell him that, so I say I feel sick. Thing is I don’t have milk very often and I’m bit allergic to it. He looks abit hurt, I say it’s not him, I’m sick! He says, “When will you call me?” I say, “When do you want me to call you?…” but I just want him to hurry up, go so I can run home with the runs! He says “tonight!”, He smiles“I would have taken you to dinner”, he asks me out on Saturday, but I’m busy, , “Well I could come back down tomorrow”. (He lives in London) By this point I say OK, just to get rid of him, my guts are really rotten. Thankfully my neighbour comes down and looks after the baby, whilst I lock myself in the bathroom. Just say No to milk! Later he texts, which I ignore, then he calls… but I don’t answer. It’s all too much! The boy wouldn’t give me time to breathe, never mind puke! It’s rock n roll dating with a baby! I can’t believe it was me vomiting milk and not the baby, but hey you only live once eh?
After a teary afternoon, sporting a cold red snotty face, a gorgeous Asian Prince stopped me in the street, whilst I was stomping home with the pram. “Can you spare 30 secs of your time out of your life?” Well, with those eyes mister I think why not, it can’t hurt, after all I have no intention to sign up to the charity . “We only’ need £2 a week”, I tell him I can’t afford that, I’m a single mum! He looks shocked, “ What! Is your ex crazy?” Nice line. We chat, he tell’s me his mum is a single mum, his dad left when he was young, wanting nothing to do with him. Eventually he says, “I’d really like to take you for a drink after I finish”. I don’t know what to say, so I start to say no, but he is very persistent. Thing is I’ve got to feed the baby her banana, porridge mush soon, I call my friend, she reminds me you only live once, after all its just a drink! So I go. I feed the baby in the café, and when he asks what I want to drink, I think sod it, I’ll have a huge marshmallow hot chocolate, after all you only live once! His mum is a childminder so he knows about babies, even taking over feeding the baby. Makes me feel like wow there are guys who don’t mind if you have a kid. God I am so old fashioned! Maybe it’s me, who is judging me, and no one else! Anyhoo he says, “You’re really into your music aren’t you, I prefer reading books” He gets out “STALIN” talking about Russian politics. I’m genuinely interested, but part of me can’t help but wonder if this is just his chat up line, y’know pretending to be cultured,
Suddenly I feel sick, I want to vomit on him. I feel faint, I need to go. I think have the runs. I can’t tell him that, so I say I feel sick. Thing is I don’t have milk very often and I’m bit allergic to it. He looks abit hurt, I say it’s not him, I’m sick! He says, “When will you call me?” I say, “When do you want me to call you?…” but I just want him to hurry up, go so I can run home with the runs! He says “tonight!”, He smiles“I would have taken you to dinner”, he asks me out on Saturday, but I’m busy, , “Well I could come back down tomorrow”. (He lives in London) By this point I say OK, just to get rid of him, my guts are really rotten. Thankfully my neighbour comes down and looks after the baby, whilst I lock myself in the bathroom. Just say No to milk! Later he texts, which I ignore, then he calls… but I don’t answer. It’s all too much! The boy wouldn’t give me time to breathe, never mind puke! It’s rock n roll dating with a baby! I can’t believe it was me vomiting milk and not the baby, but hey you only live once eh?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
312 -Malone starts feeding the baby solids, it’s a messy but it doesn’t give you a cough…
Solids. That’s what they call the food you feed a baby after 6 months. That’s a lie. It is not solid. It is mush. It looks like sick in a jar, (or if you want you can spend ages cooking some sweet potatoes, to then watch them eat one ice cube size portion of it, then dribble the same amount all over their face, clothes, chair, walls and floor. If they get it on their hands that’s it, game over, then we are talking - up the nose, in their eyebrows, ears and finally on you. If you are a new mum., black is so not the colour this season,. Baby puke, milk, and ‘solids’ tend to show up pretty well on black. Pretty tough if you’re trying to sport the latest EMO look dressed in black, black and black. I got white baby rice all over my black skinny jeans; it was a panicky few minutes whilst I bobbed the baby on my knee scrubbing furiously with a damp cloth on the other knee. Now that’s multi –tasking. When I was at school, solids were something you smoked. They were much more cost effective than the leaf variety, though they did give you a hacking cough and phlegm the morning after. But hey my parents couldn’t have wished for a better more effective chastity belt. At parties, Whilst my peers were all drinking cider and snogging people called Darren Phillips and Louise Bates and then puking up over people called Sally Jones. (Why do we do remember people from our school life by their first and second names and then as we get older we struggle to remember people’s first names? Must be all the experimenting with um ‘solids’… Anyhoo whilst others were losing their inhibitions, drunk and getting off with each other, I on the other hand would be, yes okay locked in a bathroom with a boy, but totally unable to say anything other than ‘have you got anything to make a roach out of?” Then we’d smoke a joint, mutter a few words in a paranoid haze, the solids totally inhibiting any teenage sexuality we might have wanted to pursue, then we’d leave the bathroom into the chaos of the cider party completely unable to communicate with the oppisete sex. My parents could sleep soundly. How am I going to ensure my daughter doesn’t meet boys too early? And too early is whilst in school! Okay a kiss and a cuddle is part of development, but sex makes babies…if you’re young and can’t support one, you shouldn’t be doing the doo. If you can’t do the time don’t do the crime… I would not advocate smoking cannabis as it took a decade to quit that habit, stealing my motivation for many years. But I do need to think of ways to prevent my teenage offspring from drinking at parties…hmmm perhaps I can encourage her to stay a messy eater,…chewed food all over the clothes and hair is not a good look, that might work…. Personally, it’s certainly working as a deterent for me.
Solids. That’s what they call the food you feed a baby after 6 months. That’s a lie. It is not solid. It is mush. It looks like sick in a jar, (or if you want you can spend ages cooking some sweet potatoes, to then watch them eat one ice cube size portion of it, then dribble the same amount all over their face, clothes, chair, walls and floor. If they get it on their hands that’s it, game over, then we are talking - up the nose, in their eyebrows, ears and finally on you. If you are a new mum., black is so not the colour this season,. Baby puke, milk, and ‘solids’ tend to show up pretty well on black. Pretty tough if you’re trying to sport the latest EMO look dressed in black, black and black. I got white baby rice all over my black skinny jeans; it was a panicky few minutes whilst I bobbed the baby on my knee scrubbing furiously with a damp cloth on the other knee. Now that’s multi –tasking. When I was at school, solids were something you smoked. They were much more cost effective than the leaf variety, though they did give you a hacking cough and phlegm the morning after. But hey my parents couldn’t have wished for a better more effective chastity belt. At parties, Whilst my peers were all drinking cider and snogging people called Darren Phillips and Louise Bates and then puking up over people called Sally Jones. (Why do we do remember people from our school life by their first and second names and then as we get older we struggle to remember people’s first names? Must be all the experimenting with um ‘solids’… Anyhoo whilst others were losing their inhibitions, drunk and getting off with each other, I on the other hand would be, yes okay locked in a bathroom with a boy, but totally unable to say anything other than ‘have you got anything to make a roach out of?” Then we’d smoke a joint, mutter a few words in a paranoid haze, the solids totally inhibiting any teenage sexuality we might have wanted to pursue, then we’d leave the bathroom into the chaos of the cider party completely unable to communicate with the oppisete sex. My parents could sleep soundly. How am I going to ensure my daughter doesn’t meet boys too early? And too early is whilst in school! Okay a kiss and a cuddle is part of development, but sex makes babies…if you’re young and can’t support one, you shouldn’t be doing the doo. If you can’t do the time don’t do the crime… I would not advocate smoking cannabis as it took a decade to quit that habit, stealing my motivation for many years. But I do need to think of ways to prevent my teenage offspring from drinking at parties…hmmm perhaps I can encourage her to stay a messy eater,…chewed food all over the clothes and hair is not a good look, that might work…. Personally, it’s certainly working as a deterent for me.
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