Week 38 – 2 weeks left


Last night I dreamt I felt something between my legs. I had a feel and felt the baby’s head coming out of me. I pulled it out and she was actually quite beautiful and with motherly pride I sat down to a nice bit of tea and telly with some family and thought nothing more of it.

The next day I suddenly realised I hadn’t ‘delivered the placenta’ (no-one tells you this stuff but after a woman has the baby she then has to ‘give birth’ to the placenta and apparently it looks like a huge bit of liver). Anyhoo it can be really dangerous if it stays in there and a woman can die of infection or have her womb removed so they recommend it’s out in a few hours and if it’s not they give you drugs to hurry it up…

I suddenly realise its 24 hours later and it’s still in me and I freak out ringing the hospital, I can’t remember anymore it was a dream but anyway my friend made a brilliant anyalsis. She said “well maybe the baby stuff, the birth etc will be a breeze but perhaps there’s still some unfinished business in there..”

Hmmm definitely unfinished business to be dealt with. Whilst I have gone through a huge personal and physical growth spurt the EX I think has just been going nuts panicking somewhere in a tunnel shaft up north. I actually feel sorry for him… he has to get up at 3am to get to work at 9am…..imagine doing a 7 hour journey to work, I get tired walking to the Lav in the middle of the night never mind driving a million miles.

I wrote Ex a 6 page letter, as he doesn’t have email in the porta cabin on site – I decided to fax it, I don’t have a fax so my friend Anna had to fax all 6 pages of my heart felt felt feelings to this porta cabin up north.

“We have a few options as parents, we can either be – a) Together ,b) Separate parenting but committed as a team, c) Separate parenting at each others throats forever (Like a lot of single parents),or d) Never see each other again
I refuse to row constantly mostly over money or access. I will not ruin my life or my baby’s life with wrangling over the child’s emotional or financial needs.”


It was a very grown up letter, very fair. EX said “your letter has really made me think, I’ve realized what I’ve done leaving you pregnant”… er finally! I’m wondering if he wants to get back together, everyone keeps saying he will once he sees the baby. I’m confused I don’t even know if I want him back anymore, he is well fit but maybe he is boring.. he bored me the other day going on about some book he’d read, maybe it’s the hormones, … Definitely lots of unfinished business…