Week 36 – 4 weeks left….

Friends from London are coming down later , in fact during my favourite TV programme LOST…how unthoughtful….Will it be rude if instead of meeting them at the station, when they arrive I just open the door for them and run back to the telly shushing them as they say Hello….. I’m abit worried. They want to stay for 3 whole nights…. Sometimes I long for company but I think 3 days of constant chatter and discussions about meals will send me nuts. Umm what will I be like when the baby is born … that will be my life…

Even though I miss companionship since the Ex left, sometimes I think I actually like being on my own, silence. Most of the time I don’t put music on, I just potter about and listen to the hum of everything. Well my upstairs neighbours play brillant music so I don’t have to put any on, they save me a fortune in electricity, it’s swings and roundabouts though as I think they are using my wireless broadband connection. They play loads of old rare groove, Stone Roses etc it’s great, sometimes I think ‘ooh I haven’t heard that in ages’, I’d put it on myself but then I don’t have to, I can hear it perfectly…they have a loud system, Brighton conversion flats aren’t grrreat on sound proofing…Thank god we share the same taste in noise pollution.

Wonder what it’ll be like when I have the baby? Will the baby cry loads? … will it annoy my neighbours?….will their music disrupt the baby’s sleep pattern? … will I have to complain about their music? And will they complain about the baby crying?

Will I want to run away?…. Will I cope with somebody constantly needing me?… will it affect my following of LOST series 2? We all know what a big commitment it is. (LOST 24 episodes, nearly half a year). What if I need chocolate late at night there will be nobody to look after the baby whilst I pop to the 24hour…could ask the neighbours? …only joking. Um god my life is going to change and as an independent (read ‘likes to be in control’) woman, the scariest thing is I have no way of preparing my mind for it. I thought about using a ‘teach parenting’ doll they give school kids, the dolls that cry all the time until you pick them up, but then I thought it would do my head in. The thing that I am forgetting is that I am concentrating on the disadvantages of having a baby (as if that will prepare me for it) and not even considering the amazing benefits that right now I can’t even fathom. I looked at a baby the other day, she was adorable, she smiled at me, I thought “What if my baby is cute?” I hadn’t even thought of that… I forget about the pros of having a child. I keep imagining a disgruntled rat like looking newborn and forgetting that after a few weeks, months, years, she’ll grow up really cute and I’ll have a little mate who I can send to the 24 hour for chocolate…