Week 32 of pregnancy

Just spent ten minutes crying down the phone to EDF about my gas bill… so embarrassing “I can’t pay this bill, I’m 7 months pregnant and my partner has left me…”

They offer a payment meter to which I get really angry (the back of my mind thinking Moll it’s not his fault c’mon you used to work in a call centre… in fact most of the ones in Brighton… give him a break), instead I shout “I’m having a baby in 2 months time I don’t want to be having to wrap the baby up to go get gas in the middle of the night! Don’t patronise me!”

He probably thought “no wonder your bloke has left you…” Then I just wanted to cry and had to do that be very quiet thing followed by high pitched yes’s and no’s, I apologised and then just said I’d ask my ex partner for the cash….

I felt like such a smuck… I hate asking for anything, I hate admitting I ever need help never mind asking for it. Having a baby on your own seems like there’s going to be a lot of asking for help…. I already have to ask the man who I love who doesn’t want to be with me to support me financially now that’s just wrong….

Normally when go through a break up, you can choose if you want to ever see them again… no such luck, I have to speak to the EX every week about baby stuff and money… “Molly I was a crap boyfriend but I promise I’ll be a great dad.” Hmmmph Yeah you reckon? You also said in your valentine’s card you were “looking forward to the rest of lives together...”

There is defiantely a reason that most man don’t leave their girlfriends when they are 7 months pregnant and that’s probably cos it’s wholly unnatural, I mean normally when you split up with someone you get bloody pissed and you go off and snog other people to boost the old ego and hey soon you start to believe that life is worth living. Not being 7 months pregnant you don’t- you eat some chocolate, think “did he leave me cos I’m fat…?” And then waddle up the shops to buy another cake and some coal or whatever you’re craving…

Its damn right un natural. If I’m really honest I don’t want him back anyway, he’s proved himself to be a bloody idiot, what man would do this? He could have waited till after the birth. (Well not immediately) or till the baby was eating solids… (How is he gonna have the baby at weekends if I’m breast feeding?) he could have waited till the child had left school and was in college. Yes we would have been miserable and he would have had affairs by then and I would be hagged and twisted and bitter after giving my life to a man that didn’t love or want me but hey I would have been able to pay the gas bill…..